I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
