I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
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