do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
