i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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