omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
