I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
