fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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