You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
