I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
