My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
