I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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