We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
