Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
