watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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