he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
