I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
