My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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