Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
