She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
