I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
