Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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