fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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