My nipple is on Facebook.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
