My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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