last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
