chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
