You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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