:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
