Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
