I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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