Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
