Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
