Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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