good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
