is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
