He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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