OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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