I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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