I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
it's like heaven, but drunker
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
