he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
