Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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