i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
