The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
