my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
this beer tastes like vomit already
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
