I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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