I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
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