I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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