Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
