omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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