My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
