How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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