Cold hands, warm shart.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
