meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
