Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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