Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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